(Not) Counting Down

Note: I started this entry last week, after the news of the Earthquake in the Indian Ocean resulting in death tolls of over 135,000 and of the murder of 23 innocent people on a bus outside of San Pedro Sula, Honduras. It has been an emotional holiday and I was unable to finish and publish my original post. Today, thanks to my oh-so-inspirational friend Elizabeth, I managed to eke out some reaction to the events of the world and my life. Much of this entry is excerpted from an email to Elizabeth.

One week from today, Hannah and I will arrive in San Pedro Sula. I think this last week in the US will be the hardest for me. There is nothing I can do to prepare anymore and that frustrates me, leaves me feeling helpless. Worse yet, I have a feeling that helplessness is something I will have to get used to during the next year. I am antsy and basically trying NOT to countdown my final days at home. Ugh. I feel kind of sick to my stomach thinking about everything. I am excited, too, but right now the unknown trumps the thrill of adventure.

In one week, I will be in Honduras. This thought is una sombra, a shadow, that follows me even into the dark.

Then there was the terrible news last week about the busload of people gunned down outside of San Pedro Sula. While I mourn for the inconceivable Indian Ocean tragedy, this small incident has pained me intensely; it makes me upset in a different, more heated way. We can't stop the movements of the earth, but when the horrors of the world are done by human hands, the blame seems to fall on each one of us. What a sad thought. How dark this world can seem sometimes.

Tonight is the last night of 2004--during the cold, black night, a new year will creep bravely into the thick winter sky. We cannot know what 2005 holds--certainly joy and sorrow--but my prayer above all prayers is for peace: peace in the world, peace during sadness, peace in the ecstatic times, peace in moments of frustration (with ourselves and others), and--most importantly--a peaceful faith in God's plan.

Happy New Year.